


The Light That Guides Me Home

by qiaolianmay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 4x01, Angst, F/M, Ghost Pollen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 05:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8132866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qiaolianmay/pseuds/qiaolianmay
Summary: She closed her eyes and tried to calm her senses. Whatever’s tricking her to relive her demons was taking its toll on her





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Agents of SHIELD is not mine.
> 
> I have no idea what is happening on the show but i'm really excited on what else is there to come. This is just pure speculations and I didn't really check it. heck! I might edit this again tomorrow but it's already 10pm and I just want to put it on coz i feel like it's been ages since i wrote something.
> 
> Mistakes are mine. and here you go. Enjoy! x

She was watching her tactical team fight hand to hand combat when she felt that sensation she had when they were in that warehouse again. She heard a voice whispering in her ear and when she looked at her team, their face contorted, eyes and lips darkened. It seemed like it was trying to suck the life out of her. She’s seeing things she didn’t quite understand. Her pulse quickened and her brain rhythm’s going out of control.

Then, she heard a giggle on her side.

 “ _You had experience things unimaginable. You and I, we are the same.”_ The voice uttered. She turned and there she was a woman wearing something akin to 16th century clothing smirking at her and then she’s gone. She looked back at her team and they still have disfigured faces despite shaking her head thinking that she was just tired from everything. One of them made an approach and held there hand reaching for her, she hears a voice again.

“ _You can be my mother.”_ She heard as she see the figure standing in front of her. The face wasn’t warped, it’s not one of her teams either, instead, it’s a young girl holding up her hands to her. It was the girl from Bahrain. She struggled breathing. She didn’t want to relive this. She didn’t want to see this. Then, the girl changed again. It has become a small girl a little older than five. She was looking at her with doe-eyed, full of pain. How come a child with such age looked so broken.

 _“You can’t save me. I am not worth saving.”_ The little girl said before she’s gone.

Melinda felt herself stepped back, her hands were closed trying to fight the urge to escape. Whatever inside the box was affecting her judgment and she has to control herself from lashing out. She took calm breathes but it wasn’t working. She closed her eyes but the doe-eyed girl consumed her vision.

“Skye.” She breathed.

 _“Don’t fight it. You’ve been fighting your emotions for so long. Let it go.”_ The voice said again. She felt a pain in her heart as if someone was holding it tightly. “ _The Cavalry.”_ There was a hint of smile on her voice until she was gone.

She shouted. She opened her eyes and saw her team.

No.

Opponents.

She lashed out.

They tried to stop her but they couldn’t not even the biggest among her team could hold her. They fought, one against the four of them, none of them was able to even grab on to her fully. They were on the mats when she felt cold. Her body couldn’t move, her thoughts stopped.

And everything went black.

* * *

_Warm._

Her hand’s holding on to something and it’s warm. It big contrast to the dreams she’s having for days. Were they even dreams? She didn’t know.

She felt a hand brushing away her strands from her face. She didn’t want to open her eyes fearing that this might be a dream or that she would see the strange hallucinations again. Whatever was in the box affected her, she remembered feeling chills run down her spine at some point. She brushed it off thinking that the long day was affecting her more than she let on. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her senses. Whatever’s tricking her to relive her demons was taking its toll on her.

There it was again. She could feel the cold sensation again but the warm, the warmth encapsulating her was keeping her calm. It was keeping her the cold away but it didn’t took the cold to run through her spine and she’s under a vision again.

_It was dark. She’s under a duvet but it was cold. The room looked familiar. The fresh linen and the musky smell of his perfume consumed her. The bed was like the way she could remember. The white sheets. She knew perfectly who’s white sheet it was and when she looked at her clothes, she was no longer wearing her tactical suit. She’s wearing a shirt… a shirt bigger than her with Captain America print on it._

**_“May, Phil. He’s—“_ **

_She remembered this clearly. ‘this is just a dream’ she muttered. She stepped off the ground and she heard a clank on the floor._

**The Hakushu.**

_It was their drink. She remembered waiting for his call that day. She knew what was happening in New York. She had heard it from her fellow agents about it. He called her before they land on the helicarrier asking for a rain check because it might take a while for their next dinner. She laughed and she told him about how duty first before any dinner. The drink was from their previous dinner._

_She went to his apartment after his funeral and saw the half-bottle whisky and took it to his room, not even bothering to get some glass. She drank straight from the bottle as she sat on his bed. It was like the way he left it. Neat as always. She drank as she remembered all the times they had shared in this room. They talked about their plans before Bahrain. This room was the place she slept when she woke him up in the middle of the night after Bahrain._

_She dialed his number. It took a while and then he heard his voice._

**_‘This is Phil Coulson. Either my battery is out or I’m in a non-serviced area. Leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you ASAP.’_ **

_“Where is that non-serviced area, Phil? Comeback. Hurry and comeback.” She said through the phone while tears were falling profusely from her eyes._

_She was so consumed with the memory in her head when she heard a noise. She could hear someone tapping… no scraping. There was someone at the other side of the room._

_She stared at it. Alien symbols were all over the wall. She could see his back. He was wearing his white shirt and boxers. He was so focused on his writings on the wall and she was so engrossed looking at him. ‘This isn’t real’ she told herself._

_She chanted it repeatedly in her head._

_“May.” A hoarsed voice called her. She looked up and met his eyes. It was blank but he there were parts of his expression that looked rather helpless. “May. Please.” He said. She knew what he was saying. But she couldn’t. This dream haunted her on the course of this debacle. She would wake up in the middle of the night crying._

_“Melinda” He repeated. “Please.” He said helplessly._

_Her hand suddenly felt heavy. There it was… a gun. It wasn’t even an ICER. Shivers ran through her body at the thought of her killing her. She didn’t want it then, she didn’t want it now._

_“Melinda… please.”_

_“No!” She shouted at him._

_“Melinda..” She closed her eyes and shook her head. She wouldn’t do it. She had to die first before she had to do it._

_“Melinda.” That voice again._

_“I said No!” She shouted. She looked at him and he wasn’t even talking. He was just looking at her with blank eyes and he went back to what he was doing. Carving._

_“Melinda.” She heard it again. She let go of the gun on her hand and sat at the bed._

_“Melinda.” She held on to the sheets so tight._

_“Come home. Come home to me.” She heard._

And she gasped and opened her eyes to blue orbs that had enamoured her since the very first time they interact.

* * *

Phil knitted his fingers through her hair. She was holding his chest and a little whimper escaped her mouth and her hand unconsciously hold on to him.    


“No.” He heard her say.

“Melinda.” He said trying to shake her but she wouldn’t budge. She just held on to him tightly.

It was strange to see her in a combat out of control. Normally, she’s one with the chaos. Her students would even ask her about how she was able to keep her heart beat in a steady pulse, but not today. She was all over the place. Phil watched her train with her students and he noticed the small twitch of her eyes. She’s distracted. It wasn’t until she shouted and attacked her team that his heart beat escalated. Something was wrong.

He had asked him before if she was okay but she didn’t say anything. He should’ve prod deeper. He knew her better than her nonchalant response but he let go thinking that if she wanted to talk, she would.

But she didn’t.

She was moving so fast that in couple of minutes, all of her team were on the floor. Jemma told him how her brain activity was different compare to her usual. They had been monitoring the tact team considering that they were near the cause of the contagion. All of their readings were normal, except for her. Her brain activity was rapidly changing. There was panic and distress. Something unusual for someone like Melinda May.

Phil moved. He took  his icer and pulled the trigger. “I’m sorry.” He said.

He couldn’t let anyone shoot her. Phil would hate them and it’s better if he’s the one to do it rather than anyone. He could explain to her why he had to do it. It was rather him she would hate than anyone.

Phil scooped her up and walked towards the med bay. Jemma instructed him to take her to the pod for isolation. She attached different apparatus that would monitor her pulse rate and her brain activity.

If he hadn’t been so keen on following the lead, she wouldn’t be there and save his ass. She wouldn’t be infected by whatever this is that had been affecting her.

Despite Jemma’s objections, Phil stayed with her. He brushed her hair away from her face as she hold on to her closely. She was whimpering. “Melinda.” He said. She shook her head. Blue eyes looked at her worriedly.

“Melinda… come home. Come home to me.” He said. He didn’t want her to be consumed by darkness the way the other victims were. He needed her to come home.

“Phil.” She said softly.

“You’re not sharing again.” He said. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked softly. May buried her face on his body.

“Warm.” She muttered.

“What?” He asked.

“You’re warm. I hate cold.” She said and it confused Phil a lot more. “I’m seeing things. Hallucinations. There’s a woman, she had been playing with my thoughts showing me my nightmares. She showed… she showed me Bahrain. The little girl. A little Skye that I couldn’t save. You. Phil, I don’t know what is happening anymore.”

“I am here, May.” He said pulling her to him.

“Phil..” she called.  Phil looked at her and saw desperation on her eyes.

“If.. if this comes to worst—“

It felt like a bucket of cold water was poured into his body. He knew what she was saying. He had the same request to her before. Was this how she felt when he asked her the same? He couldn’t do it. Not when… not when he’s starting to have the courage to finally be able to tell her. He was selfish he knew that but he needed Melinda more than anyone else.

“No. We will survive this.” He said vehemently.

“What if darkness prevail? What if I could no longer do it and just succumb to this? I don’t know how long I could suffer repeatedly from this.” She said. “Please Phil. Please promise me that you’ll do it. Please.”

“No. If I have to fight darkness I will. I’m going to take your hand and I will guide you home. You will always come home to me.” He said pulling her closer to him, kissing her forehead. “You’re my home.”

“Warm.” She said again as she rubbed her face on to his chest. Holding on to him tightly.

The cold that he felt at that thought of losing her must be akin to what she's feeling from all of the visions she was seeing. If she needed warmth then he’s there to keep her warm.


End file.
